From Rob Henderson's The Logic of Envy
In The New Science of Narcissism, the personality psychologist W. Keith Campbell describes two kinds of narcissists:
1. Grandiose narcissists: Dominant, extraverted, overconfident, exploitative, egotistical, low emotional distress. This is the version of narcissism people tend to be most familiar with.
2. Vulnerable narcissists: Self-centered, introverted, defensive, resentful, high emotional distress. Psychologists call them "hidden" narcissists because they don't self-promote the way the grandiose types do. Compared with grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists are more susceptible to narcissistic injury.
Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist feels that their hidden, "true self" has been revealed—insecure, envious, deceitful, manipulative—they resent having a mirror held up to them. When their self-image is questioned, they react with rage.
Both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists hold high opinions of themselves and believe they deserve special treatment. Grandiose narcissists enjoy any kind of attention. Their positive self image is resistant to criticism. They always think they're amazing no matter what people say.
In contrast, vulnerable narcissists have mixed feelings about seeking attention. They are overly excited at the prospect of positive feedback. But excessively sensitive to negative feedback. They have a high opinion of themselves, though this opinion can be thwarted if the external world does not validate it. Both types of narcissists tend to be exploitative and see themselves as superior in some way.
Compared to grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists are more sensitive to insults, ruminate more about perceived unfairness, and report more anger when they do not receive what they think they deserve. Although vulnerable narcissists require external feedback to maintain their sense of self, they are often dissatisfied with the feedback they receive. They repeatedly feel hurt that others do not recognize the extraordinary extent of their supposed suffering or acknowledge their specialness as a result of that suffering. Thus, vulnerable narcissists must balance the ledger and take revenge. The typical grandiose narcissist is a wolf in wolf's clothing. You can spot him a mile away. But the vulnerable narcissist is a wolf in sheep's clothing. They often fabricate a series of constructed personae that mask their emptiness, in the service of extracting social, sexual, or material rewards from their environments. Still, they are extremely attentive to others. But only to the extent that such attention is directed at themselves. Their capacity for empathy is compromised due to their envy, self-denigration, and extreme self preoccupation. Unlike grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists are capable of guilt, often caused by awareness of their shallowness and lack of concern for others.
Grandiose narcissists desire omnipotence more than omniscience. Vulnerable narcissists seek omniscience in the absence of omnipotence.
Vulnerable narcissists experience a sense of mastery and control by getting satisfaction from self-pitying feelings of being wronged. This gives them permission to seek revenge, or as Teach might say, balance the ledger.
Teach: "Your problem is envy, not greed, and when you claim to care about others you should check to see if it's not in order to deprive someone else. Because it is."
As an aside, he claims that if someone convinced the rich to willingly part with 50% of their wealth, you would not be satisfied. It wouldn't count. But if someone took 10% of their wealth over their protests, then you would be satisfied. That counts.
Teach claims that men believe that when women are drunk, their real desires come out. And women believe that when men are drunk, they become a different man.
Therefore, if both are drunk, the real her slept with a different man.
He thinks he's sleeping with the real her, which means all those other times she was pretending to be someone else. And the real her slept with a different man. Which means, in his mind, the ledger must be balanced.
These are the kind of mind games Teach says you have with yourself.
Interestingly, research indicates that although vulnerable narcissists have grandiose fantasies, they are usually not expressed or acted upon. Their narcissistic pursuits are performed on a fantasy level, imagining themselves to be doing great things while accomplishing nothing in the real world.
These types of narcissists suffer from shame because of their strong wish to exhibit themselves, and guilt because of their awareness of their inability to care for other people. But they don't change and start caring or at least pretend to care. Teach might say that the guilt is the excuse they need to then deprive others of their care.
"How dare you make me feel like I'm inadequate for treating you poorly. That serves as evidence that I was right to treat you that way."
Vulnerable narcissists hide their aspirations and often appear modest and uninterested in social success. They react with shame or rage when their lofty ambitions are revealed and feel anxious when their exhibitionistic desires are exposed.
They are preoccupied with fantasies of glory and fame, and believe they can only be understood by high-status people.
Still, their awareness of their gap between their ambitions and their inability to act causes intense self-criticism. It evokes deep feelings of inferiority and shame. And even if a vulnerable narcissist has in fact accomplished great things, they are often unable to appreciate their own achievements.
Vulnerable narcissists frequently experience fury when they see a grandiose narcissist. "How dare they act on their desires while I cannot." They use fear and guilt-trips as a means to manipulate others.
While grandiose narcissists are less likely than average to experience envy (probably because they think they're already great, no need to envy anyone else) vulnerable narcissists are far more likely than average to experience envy.
As the psychologist Jonathan Shedler has written, "It is not sufficient for the malignant narcissist to feel important and special; it is necessary for someone else to be demeaned and vanquished...Other people are used and discarded without remorse...disastrous outcomes are always someone else's fault."
In an intriguing post on the difference between narcissism and psychopathy, The Last Psychiatrist wrote:
"Both feel aggression, but the narcissist takes that aggression and makes it a part of who he is: I am aggressive, I am an aggressor. The psychopath lacks a properly defined ego. He's not an aggressor; aggression is simply an as needed tool, a means to an end. For the narcissist, violence is a volitional expression of rage, or the response to a narcissistic injury. If he doesn't get the affirmation he needs; if something threatens his identity, then he attacks. The psychopath is utilitarian: I needed a burger, you had it, so I stabbed you in the throat. Whatever. As bad as that sounds, here's the narcissist's discourse on the same crime: I needed a burger, you had it, so I stabbed you in the throat. But wait, that's not the whole story, listen, what I did was justified because..."
And "Narcissists appear to have emotions—they cry, laugh, feel your pain, etc—but none of this is real. They don't feel it. They're crying at the funeral, for sure, but on the inside they're wondering why it doesn't hurt as much as they think it should…A narcissist is a psychopath who has assimilated the emotions of the character he is playing...The reason a psychopath kills is because he is bad. The reason a narcissist kills is so that no one finds out he is bad."
Psychopaths (and grandiose narcissists) favor power. Vulnerable narcissists favor status.
A psychopath would rather hold a relatively less prestigious but high powered position (e.g., prime minister).
A vulnerable narcissist would rather be the ceremonial head of state (monarch). Validation and recognition minus actual power. In fact, a vulnerable narcissist would willingly give up their power in order to have status.